She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
