we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i dont even know how to be here
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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