Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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