I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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