I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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