I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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