He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
