Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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