im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
