did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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