She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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