I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
