last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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