can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
