after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Can you bring me the toilet please
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
