My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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