Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Your dad touched me again.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
