I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
