Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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