Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
