Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i think im in europe. pls send help
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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