then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You should frame my arrest warrant.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
