Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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