i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize