what day is it and did you see me today?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I have feelings that need drinking.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
