It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
