I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
