We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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