With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
