Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
