We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
