I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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