okay pat passed out under dana's car
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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