Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
