I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
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