She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
