Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
