in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
