hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
