I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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