Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
