this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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