It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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