I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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