Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize