trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
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