well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
