She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
