everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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