All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
