I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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