I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
