We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
