I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
