There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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