hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
