Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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