does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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