You're so nebulous sometimes
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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