its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
