i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Let's get the cat blown out
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize