How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
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