he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
