It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
