3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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