Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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